Have you heard you should have your babies before you turn 35? I think it is drilled into our heads about how our fertility starts to decline after 35, and the chance of chromosomal issues increases. I feel like this date was etched into my mind for as long as I can remember.
I had my first daughter when I was 30. I figured I had lots of time to complete my family before the "DEADLINE". Life had other plans for me.
I remember my 35th birthday as exceptionally hard for me. I truly felt that my time had run out... Now that I am past that marker, I know that it wasn't (see DD2 and DD3). However, I cried and cried for weeks leading up to that birthday. Nothing anyone said about who they knew who had kids after 35 or even 40 made me feel better.
Turning 40 next year is nowhere as had as it was leading up to to that birthday.
DD2 was born when I was 36. I wasn't offered any of the genetic screening that is offered to "older expectant women". I was a bit concerned as I remember all too clearly the 35 and under RULE.
DD3 was born when I was 38. And this time my doctor pushed me for the tests, saying "You are a bit old to be having babies". So I did, and the wait for the results was hard but they came back normal.
This time, that's right THIS TIME I am 39, so of course the risks are greater, so I had the test, waited again, confident that all would be OK.... and then I got a call from the Doctor's office, I needed to come in right away to discuss the results.... What? I am barely a year older.... So we discuss what the results mean, and we decided that I was comfortable with what they meant. We would do no more testing, and wait for the 20 week ultra sound to look for "soft markers" and go from there.
My next doctor's appointment was with a different doctor. This doctor is younger, and she is panicking. She says that the numbers are never worse than what I had. That she has seen children born with Down's Syndrome with my "numbers". That is was irresponsible (yes that's the word she used) not to have the next stage of tests, plus I was running out of time if we wanted to do "anything". I left that appointment in tears, with an appointment in Edmonton to see a genetic councilor.
The appointment in Edmonton was full of more tears, good thing there was a box of tissues there, and all the while not knowing if I could actually do "anything" about the pregnancy if the results were not what we hoped. But I also knew I could not go through the rest of the pregnancy not knowing. So I consented to have
amniocentesis.
My husband was in the room with me, and I didn't watch. Couldn't watch, shut my eyes and prayed that the baby would be fine and that the results would be good. My husband thought he was tougher than he was. He held onto my shoulder and I could feel him shaking. The actual procedure took longer than expected as baby would not move his/her arm! As soon as the needle went in, up the arm went and it stayed there for quite a while! This one has some character already! (wink)
What I think scared me the most was the risk of miscarriage from the amnio. What if the baby was fine and I lost the baby because of this test... I didn't think I could live with that.
Thank goodness this was all happening right before my
momstown birthday party. REALLY. It kept my mind from solely thinking of the results that I had to wait 5 days for. I had a few days of no lifting, lots of help from DD1 when my husband was at work and I left all the birthday party lifting to someone else.
The hour before I was told to expect the call was a VERY LONG one. I was pacing. For the first time really worried about the results.The councilor that called me was awesome. She didn't make me wait with small talk. After she asked for Tanya she said "I am calling with GOOD NEWS!!" I don't think I could have smiled bigger. She then asked if I wanted to know the gender. I said NO. She of course had to remind me these are just preliminary results, only checking for 3 trisomies and that the full results take 2.5 weeks. But this baby does not have
Downs Syndrome.
So this Older mom is no longer holding onto her secret. Not that I could hide it for much longer, unless people think I really like Beer! (Get it beer belly? ha ha). I know some want to
shout it from the rooftops as soon as the have a positive pregnancy test. For us, this time we kept it to ourselves. I knew it would be hard to tell people if we didn't get the news we hoped for.
So when is this baby due to arrive? Late December 2012.
And yes I will have 3 under 3.
Wish me luck!
